What My Divorce Taught Me About My Business Part 1

I want to ask you something. Are you truly happy (or content) with your life and business right now? Like honestly happy, would not change a thing happy?

If you are great, you probably don’t need to keep reading. But if there is ANYTHING you would like to change, in business or life, then you need to read this!

Recently, I was talking to someone about my business, and they asked me if I was on track to reach my goals. That simple question led me into describing what I love about my business. Ever since then, I’ve had this nagging feeling something was amiss with my business but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was troubling me.

Then, a few days later I read something that made me stop and think. Like really think. It’s not often I read something that makes me want to do that. This is part of what I read:

“But I think our emphasis on six and seven figure businesses and getting paid what we’re worth (ha! no market can bear my worth) makes it tough to admit we’re still on the way up. It’s like we’re not allowed to talk about the struggle until after we’ve passed through it.” ~Kelly Diels (Follow her on Twitter)

The part that really hit me was:

“It’s like we’re not allowed to talk about the struggle until after we’ve passed through it.”

Between reading this article and my recent conversation, that’s when it hit me, the past several months HAVE been an INTENSE struggle. Not so much with my business, but with my personal life. I have always said as an entrepreneur your personal life and business life go hand in hand.  And in my experience, when one of these areas are positively or negatively impacted so is the other.

What’s Been the Struggle?

I decided in the fall of last year to file for divorce after almost 9 years of marriage. It wasn’t an easy decision and it’s been a long time coming if I’m being totally transparent. You may be asking why I am telling you this? And what does it have to do with business goals and doing what I love?

Everything really. We are constantly told what we SHOULD be doing in business, to offer more in our business, how we need to hit 6 figures, and so on. I’m sure you can rattle off a few things you’ve heard recently about how business should be. And somewhere I started to fall into this trap.

Somewhere along the way I did less of what felt right to me and more of what others said I should do. Because my relationship was sucking so much of my energy, I just didn’t have anything left to take the time and analyze my decisions for the business. The funny part is my mom says I don’t like being told what to do. Ironic I know! At some point it was the path of least resistance and with all I was dealing with it felt easier to do what others said was best.

Where it led me though wasn’t where I wanted to be. That’s what I’ve realized.

Lesson #1 – Never be silent about what you want!

Woman shouting into megaphone and glowing energy particles explode concept

“Speak up because, the day you don’t speak up for the things that matter
to you is the day your freedom truly ends.”
 ~ Anonymous

This first lesson can be taken a number of ways. Sometimes we might be afraid to speak up about what we want. Or afraid to speak up with our significant other. Or afraid to speak up in our business. What if we ruffle feathers? What if people don’t agree with me? What will others think? What if it doesn’t fit the norm? And so on…

I was being silent in many ways for years in my relationship and it was affecting my business.  I didn’t want to talk about the struggle, I wanted to wait until it was over. Rather than talk about it as it was happening, I wanted to wait until it was over and then I could talk about how great things are. Now you didn’t need all the details (but it would make a good Jerry Springer episode or a Lifetime movie so you fill in the blanks) but what I could have done was talk to you about the changes I was making in my business as I navigated things in my personal life.

But I’m glad I did finally speak up about what I needed and wanted in a relationship. Divorce isn’t easy, but it’s how I will get the life I want and deserve. Now, I’m not saying talking about your personal life is right for everyone, but for me, it’s part of who I am and what I believe about having your own business. There is always a lesson to be learned. I could have shared that with you all and let you know that sometimes it’s ok to not have an answer, because you won’t always have one.

I think deep down we usually know what we want. Take a good look at your business and life. Is there a place you haven’t been speaking up? Is there something you need to change? What if you did and you got exactly what you wanted? How would that make you feel?

Important Takeaways and specific actions I am taking to make sure I am not silent:

  • Seeing a counselor on a regular basis so I can say whatever I want in a safe space.
  • If I FEEL something either for someone, about something, etc. I voice it to them tactfully.
  • I have stopped making quick decisions in my business so I can check in with myself to ensure what I am doing feels right with the direction I want to take my business (and I am ok if someone gets upset because I won’t make a rushed decision, if it feels forced I am not doing it).

 

Because of all of the above, I have more energy and focus than ever before to put into my business!  I know my business, how much I want it to grow, and what is best for me and my family. So, I’m listening to that inner voice and making the best decisions for my business and not what I “should or shouldn’t be doing”.  I let stress and emotional strain dictate some of my business decisions because I just didn’t have the energy (is anyone else guilty of that too?), but now that I have been through this struggle I’ve learned several important lessons.  Lesson #1 is speak up.  Stay tuned for Lesson #2 (hint: think Frozen).

And if this provided any clarity for you, or you know you need to speak up in your life or business I would love to hear from you. Click here to contact me!

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